2007-05-01
Indelicacy
You ask me what makes me happy and I go on about
birds gathering twigs, our dog eating goose poop, small dead turtles
the size of dried apricots found dead in the cemetery,
the wind blowing my hair all over, the parent birds in the cemetery
corralling their thumb sized children while our bandit canine danced
against the leash in a valiant attempt to pop them in her mouth.
Savagery is something I will have to accept.
We are living with a predator, though thankfully
her submissive peeing suggests she knows who is in charge.
Yesterday when I came home and the door was wide open,
I noted thankfully the way she sat in a chair
waiting for something else to happen.
They are re-roofing our house
and when I came home one of the roofers
waltzed through the living room like he’d been there
all day yet everything was still in its place.
To my list of happinesses you say
small things, then say all of these are better on it.
You say there were times when you were waiting
to tell me, when you were paused on the verge
of confession and stumbled. When we were on a walk
and I told you about the Turkish pill for insomnia
when we sat on the bench overlooking the harbor
and talked about how we got here and why.
I have been numb to the variety of small suggestions
you tried to plant here, about wanting to move far away
about how this town is full of drugs.
And dear boy, what can I say about it?
I hope you find a way for regular life to be fine again.
I hope you can enjoy a bike ride as much as I do.
And I will do my best to look away
from the months of gentle deception.
Of the many varieties available,
I find this one most palatable,
still I struggle to swallow this chalky substance
that is controlling your thoughts.