2007-03-24
An unfarmilar feeling came over me in the Milford Mall's Target Store, and it should have reminded me of the past, of a certain evening in winter when I had the same reaction in the parking lot of East (Japanese sushi place).
I was in the pharmacy/toilertry land of Target, after spending a lot of money on cheaply manufactured but nevertheless adorable sundresses in Charlotte Russe & (albeit slightly less badly-made) H & M. That I had spent longer than my self-imposed time limit (one hour) in the mall, I no longer bothered me.
In fact, I was contemplating a clearance end-cap (oh Target...how you get me to spend my hard-earned money on these miscellanous items) weighing the pros and cons of buying 70 sanitary napkins for the low-low price of $5.50. I was there to buy lactose pills, which allow me to continue my addiction to cheeses. I swear, I must spend something like $400 a year to digest cheese, but it is a necessary item for a lady like myself. I thought, "hey...I'm here, I want to get some new toothpaste...maybe I should just get really crazy and buy all kinds of embarrasing things!" (the bag of sanitary napkins was long and ungainly, and I frequently get sent by conines to CVS for fleet enemas and the like, so I have built up a semi-tolerance to trying to appear casual while buying things designed to flush the colon with saltwater. So what was keeping me from buying the long bag of ladyproducts? I don't know.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, at the pharmacy desk, I saw a frightening sight. It was, or appeared to be, a young teenager--she had narrow, narrow hips, no ass, and the thin, scary look of a serious drug addict and/or anorexic. When I heard her speak, in the low and gravelly tone of a seasoned smoker, I took a longer look. Still, the truth had not yet dawned on me. it was not for another minute or so, when I heard her say "Is that it? I thought I had another?" that I realized this was not a white trash heroin addict there to pick up her methadone (ok...target probably doesn't sell this). Oh no...this was one of Milford's prize celebrities...made for TV movie actress and former Showtime star Ellen Muth.
Indeed. I should have known... for I have thrice had this reaction to this same crypt-ly visage...yes, at the aforementioned East, also in a pair of strange "designer" jeans and crazy heels in downtown Milford. Indeed, if I were to critically analyze these three times, all were first marked by my feeling of horrified offense at the scary thin-ness and general look of un-health this hipless woman struts about in. She has no ass. In fact, when I first saw her with Jon in the East Parking lot, I believe my first reaction was "what the hell is that? a girl or a woman? scary!"
And so, when I slowly realized that I was in the presence of this human cadaver, I thought...oh, I did need condoms! And went to the condom aisle, from whence I had a fine view of her scaly pink hands as I walked by...though I could not tell you what her prescription was for, it appeared to be dispensed in a thin cardboard shell. If her hands taught me anything, it was that she needs a sandwich.
And yes, I bought some condoms, and toothpaste, but not the jumbo pack of kotex, and as I checked out Muth went to starbucks to fill her screaming stomach with coffee. Indeed, based on the two times I have seen her in the presence of food she has been consuming beverages only. At East, it was martinis.
(I so wish SLS had been there).
And I am feeling better, four weeks into my job. Helping things is the fact that I stopped reading Barbara Ehrenreich's "Bait & Switch" which, as a lady who just entered the comfortably middle class, made me feel an extra sense of anxiety about what might happen when this new job ends...and it just started.
